from the diary of an artist (I)

[…] i have a favourite time of the day. of every day. it’s that moment when i stop doing anything else, when i cease any possible chore, when i simply ignore the weather, the dog’s barking, the sparrows’ needs, and miss you. i sit by the window, my gaze floating in a different dimension than the perceivable ones, and drench my mind in that splendid bitterness given by your absence, adoring your silence as if it were some particular god exhaled addictive substance. there’s something special about the winter months – it seems i always miss you more when it’s cold outside, even if the temperature is completely unrelated to how i feel. or is it?!…i love those moments most, and you know why? because you’re unaware of them. and because of that, i feel like those minutes belong solely to me. i’m selfish in my missing you. i’m selfish in savouring those grains of sand stained with your absence. i’m addicted to the almondish fragrance of anticipating your words – and turned on by your denying them to me. and i keep getting lost inside the maze of your absence, with the pleasure of one who is ever deprived of what he loves most, but who has learned to adore the deprivation. this is how i miss you – and more. for missing you is an art – and i have come to master it […]

© Liliana Negoi

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