sophistic forecast

– or why some people experience suicidal tendencies –

how do you get over “this”?!
you will keep lying to yourself
that everything is over,
and that it never was actually
something serious,
and after a while you will start
to believe your own lies.
you will actually come to the point
where you’ll ask yourself
“how could i even believe
that there was something going on all along?!”
only to cover that wound
and hide it from the sun.
you’ll do all the things you said you wouldn’t do,
to prove yourself that you have
the freedom of choice,
and, ergo, that you can choose
to forget about “this”.
about “it”.
yes, you will even reduce
“this” to an “it”,
desperately hoping to cut out
from its’ once supposed importance.
and maybe,
just maybe,
for a while this might work…
until one day “it” – the past – accidentally hits you again…
BIG…
the domino surrounding you
begins to tumble down
and you see that the roots of the wound
still lurk in your flesh
– and your flesh screams that so clichéd line
“IT’s alive!!”
huge and painful revelation
– your castle was built on living sands
and what you thought
you had excised from your being
is still there.
you see
– deep wounds don’t heal
if buried under piles of septic thoughts…

 

 

© Liliana Negoi

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